Wednesday, May. 14, 2003 + 7:06 a.m.
I quit my job. I know, I know. It was a paycheck even if it didn�t solve all the problems of the world. But now, you see, I get to stay home with the beasties (and someone else�s beasties, too) for the summer and get TAN and lose some of the fat that seems to be taking over the REAL ME (kind of like the Blob). And even if I don�t lose a ton of weight, at least I�ll be tan and we all know that tan fat looks waaaaaaay better than pasty white girl fat. Since I�m going to be home with the beasties in less than a month (yes, I actually gave a decent notice) I went to purchase a bathing suit. I didn�t think I�d be lucky enough to find one on the first shot � you know how it is when you�re constantly criticizing your body and NOTHING looks good enough on it because the body is just not cooperating�.. Well, I found not one, but 2 fat-girl style bathing suits. It makes me sick to say it, but I actually bought a bathing suit that has a little skirt attached. Like the kind your MOM wears. Except she�s 68 and it fits her personality. The only thing missing from this ensemble would be a swimming cap. Maybe I should get one. You know, with the little rubber flowers on it? The only good part about being fat is that I have boobs which I never really had before. This grandma bathing suit shows them off quite nicely, too. Two years ago when I was not the super-sized individual I am today. I was the envy of all the moms at the baby pool at the YMCA. I was the only skinny mom who could wear a cool and trendy bathing suit and didn�t ooze cellulite into the pool. BUT I had no boobs whatsoever. Boobs are our friends. ESPECIALLY when they are real. But, if I lose weight will the tits say farewell? This is a chance I�m going to have to take. I must not be a hefer anymore. I must exercise. I must eat things that come out of the ground. And I�m not talking about grubworms.
I�ll bet there�s lots of protein in those, though. And chocolate must be ELIMINATED. somewhat maybe How about one little chocolate kiss?
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I am the Grim Reaper! Master of all that is |
