Monday, Apr. 21, 2003 + 8:35 p.m.
As always, I forgot to bring my own knife. You wouldn�t think that you�d need your own knife, but you see, for some reason they don�t make knives (plastic or otherwise) available to their customers (plastic or otherwise). There�s the little plastic soup spoon, the plastic forky and the plastic straw. No knives. You just never know what might happen when you bring one of those in� I can see it now�� A customer, weary from trying to communicate in VERY LOUD English to three people who clearly speak something else, rips a plastic knife from its bin beside the Styrofoam plates and lunges over the countertop seizing the cashier and thrashing him about like a ragdoll. The cashier goes limp, having fainted. The rabid customer continues to threaten the other two employees, cooks, with his huge and menacing weapon. One of the employees fakes him to the right and quickly goes left reaching for the telephone to dial 911, but sadly, fails only to have the evil customer slice right through the phone cord halting any chance for assistance. The cook crawls away on his hands and knees. Just then, the customer goes for the knife bin yet again, grabbing not one or two, but six more plastic knives. With precision he throws them one after the other at the last remaining cook, pinning him perfectly to the cutting board hanging behind him. It could happen. But what actually DOES happen is this: I order the buffet and manage to escape without some embarrassing moment where neither I nor the cashier understands what the other has said. �Buffet and drink� suffices and we both understand what that means. Life is good. On to the buffet � yum yum, a little of this, a little of that, a smidgen of tofu, some egg foo yong, whoa, HEY! �I forgot my knife!� The best item on this bar is the perfect, beautiful, broccoli. This is no ordinary broccoli. Yes, it�s green and luscious, but BIG like some kind of special IMPORTED variety. The beauty of this vegetable cannot be described with mere words. It is something that must be EXPERIENCED personally, like spirituality. This broccoli is soooo enormous and just lightly steamed that it�s stem is too tough for the tiny, thin plastic fork. It simply does work. You can�t possibly scoop it, spear it or jab it with the fork. The fork is useless. THERE IS NO KNIFE. So, I am forced to eat this beautiful, superior and HUGE vegetable ELVIS STYLE. Just like a leg of fried chicken. Mmmmmmmmm.
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I am the Grim Reaper! Master of all that is |
