Friday, Jul. 26, 2002 + 3:02 p.m.
A long, long time ago when I worked at THE EVIL COMPANY, INC........ OK, it was only two years ago, but forgive me for trying to distance myself. Anyway, a long, long time ago when I was still working for Satan and his minions, I was granted the privilege of having my own parking space underneath a LARGE pine tree.
Now, I never really minded the tree except for the occasional drop of sap on the car (I still have one drop that never came off) which I would promptly clean off. While I worked for Satan, I had to replace my air-conditioning system's "evaporator coil". This is a part that rarely goes bad, and considering my car was pretty new at the time, this was somewhat odd. I guessed it was just some fluke of the auto industry and left it at that. It was VERY EXPENSIVE to replace this part - that I remember distinctly because usually it's the condenser that goes bad and that's pretty darn expensive, too. But in my lucky case, it was the evaporator coil.
Well about a year ago, when Husband-person was driving my car and I was using his van to transport beasties about town in my lifestyle of leisure (yeah, right!), wouldn�t you know it, the air conditioning went out on my Honda, AGAIN. This time it had to be the condenser, but alas, Spousal unit didn't really care about the air conditioning and we decided to put off the repairs until we were more financially stable and didn't worry about it right then.
Back to present day life - I am driving my car (since last September, although it was cool outside then) and it hits me around April that, "Damn, I have to get the air conditioning fixed before it gets hotter than a mutha outside". Well, our family mechanic has been super-busy and there were other expenses to deal with, etc., etc., yatta, yatta, yatta. It begins to get hot outside. I'm melting. I suggest to my sweetie that perhaps it would be a good idea to take the car to a Honda dealership to have the work done, which is what I used to do prior to the mechanic being in the family.
"What????? Are you CRAZY? Do you have any idea what those people will charge you??????". Apparently, he was opposed.
So, I waited for the family mechanic. And waited. And melted. And complained.
Finally the day came when he and my husband were going to work on the air conditioner together. I was getting a whole tune-up, lube job, brake job and air conditioning to boot. My wonderful spouse took off to save the day .......... Yippeeee, I love my husband!
He came back later explaining that while they were able to complete the lube job and tune-up, the part for the condenser had to be ordered and so did the brakes, so they would complete the rest of the work sometime next week after the parts had arrived.
I'm back to melting for yet another week. It is now mid-May. And VERY HOT. I'm also NOT HAPPY. I consider sneaking off to Honda in the middle of the night and dropping off my car, but I'm afraid it will cause some kind of marital rift. I behave and wait not-so-quietly for the day to come when I can once again be at peace in my air-conditioned meditation-mobile. We get the call. The condenser is in. It will be expensive, but the up-side is we don�t have to pay for labor. Just a twelve pack of beer. Life is SWEET! Spousal unit goes to help out again. The condenser is installed and the air is a-workin�. I�m thrilled. �And the brakes, Honey, what�s up with the brakes?� I ask, cautiously. �Well, the brakes came in last week but MBIL (mechanic brother-in-law) had to give them up for another Honda Civic that came in just yesterday. I told him we didn�t mind. We�ll jut do that part next week.� Okay, so I�m slightly disappointed. Not heartbroken. At least I�m going to be COOL again. This is OK. I�m going to survive the rest of the summer. The next day��� Large child and I are on our way to a marketing research thing where we�re each going to make a little money. I�m happy this money-making thing came up because so far the parts alone have cost me $345. And we still have to deal with the brakes. So, we�re traveling toward our destination and the air just doesn�t seem to be working as well as it should. But after all, it is a REALLY HOT day. We get to our appointment and make a total of $75 � not bad for two hours plus we got a free meal. Somebody needs to tell homeless people about these things. When we leave, the parking lot is hotter than the surface of the sun. My son�s sandals are melting on the blacktop as we step quickly to the car. The inside of the car, if it�s possible, is actually hotter than the white-hot asphalt. Thank God I have air again. We open all the doors and windows airing out the evil heat and turn on the air-conditioning. We get in. It�s still unbearable. I figure the air will really kick in when we get on the interstate. It doesn�t. Well, it IS about 99 degrees outside. Wrong again. The air is NOT WORKING. Somehow we manage to make it home before turning into puddles of melted flesh. I explain the problem. MBIL comes over on his way to dinner to take a gander. �Must be the evaporator coil�, he says. "I�ll have to order that in." �I don�t think I caught that? Did you mention another part?� I think I�m hearing things. I don�t feel well. My brakes aren�t even done, yet. When am I going to wake up from this nightmare? �Yep. I�m going to need to look it over, though. Can you leave it with me for a few days?� Oh, God. It�s something really awful, I just know it. This is one of those car things that just goes on and on. Why is it that they always coincide with paying off the car? You sign the final check paying off every penny you borrowed so that you could have the privelige of driving your very own car and BAM!!!! The car loses the will to live. Maybe it�s a sign that we should be leasing; I JUST don�t know. Lucky for me, my crazy parents have an extra car. Actually they have an extra two or three cars. Not that there�s anything wrong with that except for the fact that they have a five-car garage and not one of their cars is actually IN this garage. Yes, you heard me right; it is a FIVE CAR GARAGE. We should all be so lucky. �Oh, sure, Honey, you can use one of the cars�, they reply upon hearing my sad, sad and very hot tale. I am given a 1987 Toyota Camry to use for as long as I need. It has the most amazing AIR-CONDITIONING ever. For a 4-cylinder car, the air must use 70% of this power. I am in awe of this vehicle. What is lacks in aesthetics and cleanliness, it certainly makes up for in COOLING POWER. My stepmother says, �It�s a zippy little car.� Now that they don�t have any kids or pets, my parents have become quite fond of inanimate objects. They�ve always been weird, though. So, I�m off to work in an air-conditioned car. MBIL calls to let us know that it will take several more days to complete the work on my car as it is the evaporator coil and has to be ordered and he�s running short on time this week, so he�s fitting me in between his paying customers, his ball-games and his NASCAR habit (I�m embarrassed to have even written that word). Oh � and we need to deliver some more cash to him for the new parts. Sheesh. Eight days after dropping off my car, it has been completely fixed. Everything is great. I�m going to take back the borrowed car, pick up mine and I�m back in business. I feel like a new woman. When I get in my car and start it up I�m immediately hit with a huge blast of ice-cold air. I didn�t know life could be this good. MBIL tells me that when he replaced the part it had about 2 lbs. of pine needles crammed in it tighter than his granny's girdle. Well, imagine that! I've been gone from Satan for two whole years and he still manages to stick it to me. At least it's over. I've got air and the rest of the summer will be manageable. I pull out of the parking lot and notice that my exhaust sounds like a de-railed freight train. OH MY GOD!!!!!! This town needs a Goddamned mass transit system.
|
I am the Grim Reaper! Master of all that is |
