Sunday, Aug. 25, 2002 + 11:44 a.m.
I know this because the Retails Gods have made it so. I�m not sure what happened to Labor Day, Halloween and the ever-ignored Thanksgiving. I believe that instead of my usual cash sacrifices beginning in October or November, the baby Jesus would like his presents to begin immediately. No SAVING up for that $100 piece of Swarovski crap for my grandmother this year. Swaddled baby Jesus screams, �Use your PLASTIC, woman!� Now I believe that I�m just as generous and giving as the next man/woman/beast/door knob, but I�m just a tinge concerned at these latest developments. The way I figure it, my spending has increased over the last ten years by about 800%. And now, the whole �shopping in April for Christmas� thing is not only going to boost that percentage much closer to 1000%, but I may be looking at a divorce if I submit to their sneaky tactics. I must admit that I am a shopping whore by nature. I love to pick up little things for the kids as I see them on sale because birthdays, holidays, etc. come up so quick that I never have the time to actually go out and LOOK for something when the time comes. So I like to be prepared at all times. With this in mind, my Girl Scout ways of �always be prepared� are in overdrive at the sight of Christmas loitering around every corner. It was the Girls Scouts wasn�t it? Anyway, whether or not I partake of these early shopping festivities, I believe my sweet beasties will be covered and ready for Santa/Satan/Staan/Snata to deliver the goods at the witching hour on December 25th. Gosh, it�s only like 121 shopping days until Christmas!!!!! It�ll be here in a BLINK! I think I must have a huge bulls-eye on my purse. The whole thing really is SICK, though. Can�t I just make homemade scarves and jelly for my loved ones? ��AND don�t ANYONE buy me another tee shirt with a kitty on it. Or a teddy bear. Or a bunny. THEY DO NOT PASS GO, THEY DO NOT COLLECT $200. THEY GO DIRECTLY TO SALVATION ARMY. Where the employees promptly throw them away. I wonder when the fresh X-mas trees will be for sale.
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I am the Grim Reaper! Master of all that is |
